Weekly summaries of our group's Wednesday night Catan games

The winter standings (in wins; point totals to come soon):

(1) *Steve: 6 (2) *Scott: 5 (3) *Pat: 4 (4) *Kristen: 4 (5) Kim: 2** (6) *Kathryn: 2 (7) Kevin: 0

*Denotes status as a regular

**Two point win

Summer champion: Pat

Fall champion: Kathryn

Amid a very safe, yet enjoyable (and highly viewed) Oscars ceremony last Sunday night, the most dangerous play was when Ellen brought a pizza delivery man onstage without telling him beforehand. Though he reacted the way most would have -- humbled, awestruck, shy, and amused -- a more opportunistic individual might have used the spot for the chance of fame, to either the betterment or detriment of the program.

A few months ago, during a now-banned weekend game, we ordered pizza to Pat and Kristen's front door at the tail end of a particularly combative Settlers double-header. We didn't invite the man in, but, after watching the Oscars, I'm wondering if maybe we should have. It would have been the outside world's first ever live look-in of a group that's transcending standard Catan boundaries. Or perhaps the next time Stephen orders un-licensed apparel from a questionably legal website and a lady dressed in civilian clothes with a blue Dodge Durango shows up at our house with a suspiciously wrapped package, we can offer her a cup of tea and exclusive access to our game.

In honor of the best awards show on the planet, below are the winners of the 2013-14 "Catans," related both to the Wednesday night group and to the game in general.

Stealthiest (But Still Respectable) Winning Move

As covered in entry #4, "The Longest Road," usurping the longest road title for your final two points (or for your final one plus one for the famed, "11 point win,") remains one of the most abdomen-clutching, forehead-smacking, collar-grabbing, and downright effective ways to win a game, especially one in which your assets might not be as strong as others'.

The Longest Road

For the 19th consecutive year, "The Longest Road" goes to... the longest road.

Best Color Titles

Let's start by eliminating the worst, which is brown. Never have I ever seen a respectable player choose brown as his or her trademark. (All amateur-hour Catan operations can now put a finger down). Next worst is orange (sorry Kristen), which has never won a competition in which "red" has also competed besides a comparison of "A Clockwork Orange" and all other movies with red in the title (headlined by the 2002 Hannibal Lector film, "Red Dragon"). After orange we have green, the first color with camouflage capabilities (with both wood and sheep, helping to downplay a player's empire and thus making a robber attempt less likely). The characteristic is especially conducive to Steven's non-confrontational, understated, and long-term strategy. Yet, green is too environmental for a game built on hard economics. Probably, blue is even worse than green, but since I now associate it with Pat and his ruthless game, I wouldn't dare to exclude it from the top three. Second best is red, bold yet subtle (only when it touches brick hexagons). When Kathryn builds a city it projects the lushness, the power, and the intimidation of bright red lipstick. For some reason, the effect is lost on red settlements, which means... white is the best "color."

White blends in everywhere; I've lost count the number of times my white collection of roads, cities, and settlements has been bypassed for more visible colors. Psychologically, the shade intimidates, but in a less traditional way. White isn't your bare-knuckled muscle man. It's the cunning and lithe old man, a cloud of dizziness, or even a young Hannibal Lector (rising). Last time I checked, the latter attributes are more suited to winning Catan games.

Most Improved

One of two awards for two people: Kathryn and Steven. Their pathways towards improvement were so different (the apples to oranges paradox), voters couldn't decide between them. Kathryn's improvement came from within. She had to channel her analytical mind into the realm of competitive gaming -- similar to the way she has with Kristen's charades app. It led her to the fall season title after a less-than stellar summer campagin.

Steve had to adjust his flat brim (and the 1-2 nanometers of personal vision he loses every time he puts it on) and look out in front of him (not just around him). Early on, he knew he and the other Catan players were having a good time, but he wasn't always conscious of subtle plays. Today, as the wins leader with just two weeks left in the fall, he is.

Most Improved Catan-Side Manner

The award unofficially went to Pat a few weeks ago. Today, it's official. Of course, Pat was in the greatest slump of his life earlier in the winter season. Going a few weeks without winning strains even the most composed gamers (some once believed that was me, until I launched a spittoon against the wall after Pat punctuated a two-game sweep with a win-by-longest road). If only there was an award for most consistently composed player, Kathryn probably would have won it.

Harbor-etums

In my Illinois days, I was known for chasing harbors. Now, I consider them in a much more situational sense. Mostly, the same goes for the award's co-winners, Kristen and Steve... until that first scent of sweet harbor air enters their nostrils. The smell is more relevant for Steven, the game's biggest fisherman. The feeling of harboring up on a cold winter night, however, belongs to Kristen and her noted snuggles with her dog, Coco.

Real Estate "Developer

By now you know the old fable every young Catan player has heard and lives by if they're worth their weight in hay. Pat's penchant for self-improvement/development led him to puberty at the age of eight. Deciding that such a benchmark would cast him too much attention/robbers, he hid his true nature. When the other boys and girls finally hit their becomings, Pat realized he was somehow behind them instead of with them. The moral: don't be afraid to jump out to an early lead in Catan. The winner for best use of "D-cards": Pat.

Best Adaptive Gameplay

Again, we're going down old paths, but important ones nonetheless. Though he hid it from the public, Kevin struggled to adapt to the Long Island game play of the Wednesday night group (compared to the more traditional style preferred at college). Gradually, he's realized the development benefits of playing in a game where the rules are more interpretive, the play looser, and the trades more creative.

Best Supporting Snacker

Goes to Kathryn, for baking us brownies on a near weekly basis